my ship has sunk

My heart sank when I read the letter from VFC. That Rob is leaving, or Part-time, but probably leaving. I am so bummed. He is part of our fragrance of our church. He nurtured my faith when it was wirey and seedlike and stormy.
I am so bummed.
This brings up a whole issue of whether a church should tells its body if its financially vulnerable. I believe we should have. Because we are a family, and we are the fabric, and its ok, it's even important that we know. ohterwise, the church is only presenting itself as a high and mighty, almost separate institution, if a church opens up about its tougher spots than we the parishoners get to see that we really do make up the function of the church, we see that the church really does need our support in all ways. We see that the church is this vessel and we WE need to put the gas in it to go. We are propelled to really step up and take care of our precious church. i was a DJ at KZSC, a non-commercial radio station, and we had to set aside time to really remind our listeners to contribute, that it was needed. that it was time. now i just feel so horrible, how i was tithing indeed but at a low input. and though my income has been so unsustainable and up and down and ive been so worried and caught up in it, i still feel that i really only gave a little. but my equation was never adding up! but still I wish I had poured back to the church. I wish I had committed my best in that way. I feel i have put myself before God. And Rob! he was always out there in the hallway, tending to the roaming personalities, knowing when to be subtle and when to say it like it is. He knows how to relate. He is an anchor for our church. He is the pastor I say "Dude!" to and can be so down and real with.