bangs

I have bangs and I have glasses.

i have glasses

I got glasses, and i can see. Today I learnede that the "Don't Cross" red hand on cross walks now has fingers! and I can see people walking around like I'm near from all the way across the parking lot. I can see. the bush had lots of little leaves, and bam they were all there for my eyes to lay on. I can't believe how blury everything has been until this point. and i'm realizing (oh my) that this is an answer to my God plea of "God please cut in front of me, cut this off." i had been fasting, as you'll remember, fasting to get full circle. fasting to feel lilke i'm removed from the threat of the dude. and this, this is grand, b/c it's like i get to walk around town with this new little cover, like i get to step into this new persona. and it's a knowing one, oh boy, it's a seeing one. this is what this whole thing of witnessing my friend being taken down has given me. and she's ok, but i saw the exact thing played with ther. That i see what's up. i see what could go down. And now i'm hear to protect, to protect my sisters.

I am in a new land

There has been dammage done, but it has been passed on. I have a knowing now, and I can see the bigger picture. and the thing is, it's going to be ok with my friend. and there is going to be healing. but for me, i feel like i am in a new land. like i don't feel threatened. like i don't feel menaced. like it's not happening and happening over and over again. like he has passed. God, is this exactly as i prayed for? That you would cut before me? That you would cut before me? cut, as you cut the covenant it is the same word. as you cut before the israel as they crossed the jordan. as you cut the covenant with Abraham. and the smoking pot passed before the sleeping Abram. Gosh, im not feeling unsafe as i have. i'm feeling like i've been circumcized, like something has been put off

I didn't have the faintest

I didn't have the faintest idea that when I prayed for an answer for God. When I really prayed on this and said "God, no more!" and I fasted for 3 days and I prodded and asked, and I put my body into it, that it would take me here.
"What do I need to do to get to Gilgal?" was the question, and i was done dragging this thing on. Having a hunch that God would stop at nothing but to set me free and take the burden away.

Seamless on January 1st

Yesterday was incredible. And it came after such turbulence.
I fasted last week for 3 days, I was asking God a Question. on getting to Gilgal. Trusting God will do it, needing to know how. What am I to do God? was my question on that grieving past. to enter his Completion. So in other words The Fast was my way of really bugging God. of putting all this to God, of not shoving it away anymore. I should say that I've put this to God all along, but this time, I did so also with my body. I will fill you in soon about this

But for now I should say that I had a gorgeous day yesterday, On New Year's. With my long best friends, Sarah and Sumayya. And everything finallly fit, and went along so smoothly. And after all the hecticness of the New Year's Peak, How flat and hard my heart fell, I was so lonely, and the offness, the harshness, with one friend leaving and my other friend and I strangely dettached and overwhelmed in packed Clouds. And me not caring. Everything feeling hideous.
But yesterday the First, everything seemed to return. From the natural talk I had with my sister, to the car drive back to Marin with Sumayya on the coast listening to Under the Bridge and Talking Head and Richie Haven, Bjork, and everything made us feel alright and took us back. Everything opening for us. The Best Omelette at Walnut Cafe. The two of us gasped after our first bite, "O my gosh, Ican't believe this" or something along those lines Sumayya muttered under her breath after her first taste and those were the last words we said. Seeing the BlueGrass Family out again and barefoot, mandolyn and Early American Folk that makes me feel like I'm riding on a train, or makes me want to take the turn.
Everything was just perfect, arriving at Sarah's and the three of us Going out together charmed and delighted by each other. Glad in each other's company. And the coast I hadn't driven for so long was all sun and arriving.