oh sad and sad.
our special love.
no balloons or what to hold or what to let in air and where does it go...
couldn't i be sad but have the balloon still?
AT least now, i have this full love. and it's like a return. I really loved him at the core. i have a polaroid of me playing the piano and him on my side with a big lucky grin. He looks All stoked and dandy in a mischief kind of way.
it's a realy sweet photo.
I recently found a lift these last couple days. after crying myself through the weekend. feeling back in myself.
I even felt sort of ok these last couple days. but still everyday i have a landslide of remembering. And the moments recent that were so precious when we saw each other again.
And in Monday Poetry group another poem was born, and i like to hold on to it, like a like to hold on to that somewhere between us. and the life that we made for each other.
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God speaks to each of us as he makes us, then walks with us silently out of the night. These are the words we dimly hear: You sent out beyond your recall, go the limits of your longing. Embody me. Flare up like flame and make big shadows I can move in. Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror, Just keep going. No feeling is final. Don't let yourself lose me. Nearby is the country they call life. You will know it by its seriousness. Give me your hand. Rilke
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