weekend of Full moon eclipse

I went to Moon Tribe last night, it lasted all night, there were really good moments. I connected with some people but it seemed so ineffective. here is what I am coming today tonight, with this crowd. and with the unending mode of I have between people: that no one would really step for me. how can I engage myself? How can I ever engage myself? To make these slight conversations? To make this passing dumb observations, is that all I can come up with? Am I to continually be this, this thing, this leavable piece, that amusing piece, some erratic girl, and here I am without conversation so random again that all I can do is try to make them these little concertos. But I never quite make it, make it for someone. My sum = to not be a part of anyone. How can I accept not being a part of anyone? That I am no portal! That I don't surmount to anything?