Done.

I was sitting in the Fairfix cafe in Fairfax with my Godma. And I had a blessed moment. I was telling her about the X, I poured to her the shame of the last relationship, and the destruction, (it lingers and comes and goes) but this time i didn't feel the scarry stuff in my back,
only this time a Little Girl came right up to me at the couch at Fairfix. She came boldly around the coffee table that tucked us off to the side. She came right up to me. I turned and she was just standing there blinking at me. She was so present. She was a little one, could hardly walk, she was standing there jsut staring at me, her eyes prominent, almost blazing, somewhat curious, but knowing, that was her stance, like she was fully allowed, like she was telling me, "yes yes you are healed. you are absolutely healed, you are like me, you are like me now. I know." IT was almost like God Himself was trotting up to us, running up to us. She went back to her Dad, then came back just a minute later, as if to say r"eally, really you are OK". her stance was like here I am and sweetly there. As if to say, "It is all over," "YOu are healed" Thankyou Lord for taking away the process, to the steps and steps of observing and dealing, to the mostly there, somewhat there, to all that processing. I don't have to process that anymore, or relate to it. I'm dead to it.
I'm dead to that kind of evil in my life. God told me I'm done. [with that], and I can just be glad, and i don't have to figure it out anymore or make myself somehow "stronger than that" or "clear" It took my Godma to tell me to really look in my face and tell me so knowingly and clearly and surely that I'm healed and then it hit me.