2 by 2

This morning I feel that spilling.
Life is joining me rejoicing, I am in a gate. That forever spreading out.
Everything feels in its right place.

Yesterday by evening everything felt crumbling: The madness of everything. was i going backwards? why won't anything work? and even bigger questions "Am i in the right place? my world falling apart?" the trip was falling apart? many chasms between. feeling regrets.

Last evening I was trying to write. . trying to go deep. trying to read the mishaped stack of books in my red messenger bag. I was trying to get some solace. I was trying to get back to that dock of myself.

But then the way You cleared it!
down the alleyway I found

2 park benches. (Joann tromped up)
she plunked down.
the same 2 pigeons started circling around us. (We had seen them at LuLu's in the afternoon)
(brown and grey, definately Jo was the brown and I was the grey, I kept wandering off and going up to the wall. Jo kept hurring and pecking at little things and bustling around, I was taking wide circles for no apparant reasons).

There were 2 shoes on the lamppost.
she left to get the 2 tacos. i debated going to my car. but i stayed. i stayed. i opened up my little secret mini-NIV.
Psalm 145 spreading out before me, as if waiting:

The Lord is faithful to all his promises
and loving toward all he has made.
The Lord upholds all those who fall
and lifts up all who are bowed down.
The eyes of all look to you,
and you give them their food at the proper time
You open your hand
and satisfy the desires of every living thing.

this verse spilling before me. covering me.

The first line keeping me, "really?"
I opened my journal and wrote:

"The Lord is faithful to all his promises."

Then a felt something on me, looked down and right there on my pants was a ladybug! When a ladybug lands on you it means you're lucky, it means you're in the right spot.

The last time I saw a lady bug it was on my car the day i was to go to raechel's wedding. i had just dropped all the pedals across the bridge and in the river and thru the park. i was bound to see Loch with my Cliff. The lady bug was on my car Ramona. It was a promise to bless me and to bring me there. that someday I would be married and wed in the way he wants. even that ripple! That he would not let me go. that he will put me in my right spot. that he comes in on his promises. and i knew with everything knit inside me that it was God's way of saying Yes to my little language. the little trunks i was carrying. yes.. you have arrived. i am telling you, i am delivering to you i'm coming through. I am saying Yes to what you want to believe in. I am Here in your wonders and the way you are spelling me out. "you are in the very right spot"

This time in my sunken day he brought a Ladybug, a black Lady bug with red dots. with only 2 red dots! How punk, and how much like the Billy Corgan poetry I was reading. how hardcore! how much that Ladybug looked like it belonged somewhere on the cover of "Melancholy and the Infinite Sadness" or his book "Blinking with Fists" with the unusual character on the front-cover pictured with hands up and riding on a ball.
The Lord saying "You are in the right spot! You are in my garden, my land. I will lead you to the spacious places. I have found you. You are mine."

And the Lord saying, truly. As He always does, very, very, very perfectly and seamlessly:

He will come in on his promises! Spelling it out for me. Telling me to mark it.

In all kinds of joy I sat there. "OK then!" There was nothing for me to do. I felt drunk! rejoicing. nothing to try or to make. Sitting on a bench the kingdom coming.