"Don't let me down!" Paul screams, I'm at the Ugly Mug and the Beatles are lamenting. and so am I.
my people are letting me down. tonight my heart sinks. Patrick never called, and also the b-day party is off. i found again that i have no chemistry with D-man and i should, he is good man, and he is down, but i knew, it was in the kiss, or should i say it was not in the kiss
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2 comments:
"catching up..."
Hey Mollster, I've pulled together a compilation of notes I've kept on your prolific and insightful writings. I don't think I've ever done you the courtesy of forwarding any of them until now for which I profusely apologize (the last entry - unlike the other previously (i believe) unsent responses - is a repeat from an earlier post of yours that you might have senn before, though). I think some of the material is still in note form so please feel free to ask me to expand where I've left off abruptly.
Hope you don't think I'm too wierd but we all knew that already didn't we?... ;-)
By the way, hang in there. Life is tough. God is good.
[On to investigate Camille's post on humbleness... =) Can't wait!... ]
in Him,
bro Mike =)
><>
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8-28-05
Hey Molly,
Finanlly I have gotten around to cutting and pasting your prolific writings into a document
so that I can digest and respond to all you have to say. I’ve only had a handful of folks
post on my blog ever and you certainly get the record for largest and most thoughful post!
=)
I’ll start with your third post - just becuase that’s the order I copied it! ;-) You have
shared a wonderful observation about the mystery of “matter” and “spirit:”
(...but i must say i think it is relieving not to expect every fleck of thing or person to be
divine. and it's way too messy to say that everybody is a piece of the divine, or
representation, because that's way to fragmented and there gets to be too many minigods
and it's too cluttured, and come-on, we don't know what we are doing. we are broken, and
we need help, we can't do it alone...”)
For me, I can’t help but observe, that though most of the bible and the teaching about god
in the Old Testament and New Testament speak as though a historical or a philospohical
account, when we “read between the lines” and synergize the way the different narratives
in the bible relate to one another we find extremely profound insight into the nature of
reality - not just the reality of the cosmos and the multiverse and the spiritual realm - but
also the reality of the inner heart of every one of us. As you noted elsewhere in your post,
one can certainly run oneself silly trying to trace every piece of matter (spiritual or
physical) and trying to determine what is “tainted” by the “divine” and what is “tainted” by
evil.
Most folks - no matter what their world view - assert to the reality of the “conscious”
individual - call it “consciousness,” a “soul” - whatever. I think it’s at that point - in our
“hearts” and souls that the reality on the power of god really comes to life. Of course,
there’s always the amazing “god-synergy” that occurs between the creator and the
creation in the mindst of nature or community...
=)
There is so much beef to Jesus. that's why I love the guy! he is so powerful, for me (us) he
has furious love. He is no simple God, he's not all calm (like a new-agers ideal concept
may be), he's definately not all mad, he's this tremendous power of searing love with with,
it's hard to articulate, this complete desire to have us, his children. And he's kind of wild, i
guess because he's untamed. I'm a poet and i use metaphors a lot and in my older poems
about God i used to make these wild situations where I'd encounter God and all these
beautiful and neat things would occur and I'd kind of mess with God, and that's how i
made God great in my poems. but now that wild thing is that for the first time in my life i
have no metaphor for this God, and i can't really move this God, or make Him what I want
him to be. He doesn' behave! he sits there with His "I am what I am" attitude and that's
one reason i really really revere him, because he exists without my dramatizing, poetic,
Ms. Clever muse. He does his own thing. And he's no easy god, he's not all peachykeen. i
have to wrestle with him, but i'm happy to.
I'm Camille's roomate (she just gave you a comment). and yep, party on!
Mike, for me the JC nailed me, i mean like no other. I wouldn't say i was quite pagan
before, but I was pretty close. I was a friend of rocks and crystals for healing, i did energy
work with friends and continualy worked on my rootchakra, and other energetic/aura
wounds. I studied astrology vehemently and could almost see one's sign in their face. I
loved God and I wrote poems about God, "the divine" in my poems God was like a
playmate what i went on adventures with. I never really subscribed to a kind of neutral,
inanimate god of "The universe" b/c that was way too cold for me and unhuman. I
continuously versed with friends (in santa cruz nevertheless) about my continual 'process'
of healing, my piscesoverkill, the weight of my moon square sun, the wounds of really
hard stuff i've gone through in past times. But the "awareness" or "consciousness" was
getting me no where. And all these "conscious" santa cruzans i was discovering to be
more and more selfish and dettached and uninterested in genuine human relationship,
definately nothing involved. that's a no-no in santa cruz. but what i'm trying to say is I had
a fondness for this earthy communion with energy, with the rocks and such, and i also had
this running cosmic understanding--chakras, astrology, you know what i mean.
but then, but then (I make my jesus story short, skipping how i was around the church in
my upbringing of school and those details)
but then Jesus came in my heart, and it was a spring, a gigantic flood in the up direction
(waterlike as christians keep talking about). and i went from being in the worse space
possibly and sad to full of bliss, for the first time, the first time i really felt bliss and a light
unlike any other. Jesus came in me and i can't deny it, or shake it. And he always comes
when i need him the most. So this was my transformation, and it continues with how Jesus
really affects the way I live, what I desire, and i have this craving for that purity, that Jesus
purity which is so renewing and feels so good, it's like the best high ever.
So what blows me away about JC is how he takes away the process, just
like-whhooop!--all the shmuch and trying and healing is healed and you're perfect, and you
feel almost as good as God because now God is living in you. and you see there's no need
for the very slow and neverending healing and consciousness that other forms attempt,
because they never really take away the pain, they just push it around. you really do feel
new.
it blows me away how gun-ho christians are which tells me that there is really something
going off whidch you can't stop. it's this faucet you can't turn off.
I'm so intrigued to hear of a christian as yourself mike who is a friend of the pagan
understanding. here's what i don't like abou the christian's understadning of paganism: they
think it is evil, of satan (since powers either come from Jesus or the "other" source). and i
can't swallow that pill, ican't swallow it. to me, the pagans just haven't met the jesus, they
haven't let in that light. but they do understand great things about the energy of the earth,
how one for instance may ground oneself, or do something else. though I must say that
with Jesus i find the healing so much greater than any rock or working with some chakra
can offer. Why? I ask myself. two things come to mind. first, the chakra rock kind of
method is really piecing us up into smaller parts. and 2 Jesus just does it all, he can make
you capable where you are incapable, he can create out of nothing, and he has authority
over all powers. he is the ultimate whammo, just can do the most tremendous and
beautiful things for us. And lastly, b/c he is the source. he is the source of real love and
soaring perfection. he is such a powerful source so when we let him in, it's just like we can
truly love oneanother, and God back.
so mike what are your thoughts on the Pagan lack of Christ, or missing of Christ? surely
you don't think it is of the devil? what do you tell the christians who don't get it? i am a
new christian, just 5 mos ago jesus came to me. :) and it rocked my world. and one thing
that i struggle with is the divide from my older life (more my understanding of astrology,
which by the way, is obviously going on, so i think it must be holy because it is a part of
us and we are created by god, by the way the three wise men were astrologers following
that star to Jesus. i think astrology can be redeemed through christ, for instance astrology
allows me to understand people more, (why a fire sign may just act totally huffy to me, but
it is thier place of fire on the rush, it is not so much sinfulness or anything like that) and
then understadning people i am compassionate. as jesus would want.
So yes, and what are your thoughts on the simplistic dark and light, evil and good stuff?
wouldn't a good pagan describe the differences in people or choices as elemental, such as
earth, air/fire, etc. . . . and then the christians would say, oh but you should reject the
things of this world, and that maybe pagans are worshipping the worldliness, the worldly
make-up of wo/man.
ok, that's my rant for now! check out my blog is
mollyuninterrupted.blogspot.com, and note that this month my posts have been random
but in the past months are my religious/cosmic/poetic wrestlings posts with God.
9-22-05:
cool posts. sorry i often come-across as over-serious. i often find myself too often taking
myself too seriously and being a kill-joy. but i still i found the following topics (and
others) compelling:
“...I agree. So, is our goal maybe to attain a level of godhood, then go and
procreate and create as he/she did...afterall the universe is a very big place...”
joseph smith felt this was a cool concept too - not trying to “slam” or degrade -
just pointing out a source for writings on the above topic - (of course, hubbard
was a far better story-teller than smith but that’s another “story”)...
“I love mulling around the concept of parallel universes..... For sure, we know that had
we made a decision differently, the outcome would have been different. Maybe....”
you should ask phil sometime to summerize his understanding “a-time” and
“b-time” theories or check them out on the web. i don’t know about parellel
universes - even though there could be ten dimensions or more, i don’t find the
evidence of parellel universes as compelling... yet... nevertheless, i do believe
in many possible “life-paths” - even if were are “stuck” in the same “time-fluid.”
However, even without stepping in and out of time, i’ve found overwhealming
evidence of the god-man affecting change that turns seemingly ultimate
catastrophe into a redeemed reality more beautiful (from and artistic AND a
reality sense) than life without suffering and failure.
angels...
my understanding of angels is that they are different from humankind (though seem to
have at least a limited form of free will). even though they can live in the spiritual realm,
glorified humans seem to have a more dynamic eternity in store for them.
Daniel’s ascension...
..made me thing about some of the role-playing games i’ve done over the years (i know,
i’ve deservedly taken some flack for the role-playing analogies in the past). but how do
you separate imagination from reality and when does imagination actually interface with
reality (such as through prayer, etc.)?
just some thoughts...
earthsea mike
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9-15?-05
[hey, your cool e-mail didn't work - <*******@hotmail.com>] but i'll rspnd ltr!
=)
><>
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Hi. This is the qmail-send program at yahoo.com.
I'm afraid I wasn't able to deliver your message to the following
addresses.
This is a permanent error; I've given up. Sorry it didn't work out.
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good god! what an e-mail address! ;-) i certainly
wouldn't have guessed (i may have to invoke my "no
internet adultery filter" soon... ;-) in any case,
you are a dynamic, thoughful writer. i think i will
direct my wife to your blog soon - hopefully it will
inspire her to let me help her start her own.
on thing i might suggest is editing your post where
you gave me your e-mail - i'm sure you don't want just
anyone to have access to it (i feel prviliged... =)
i am sorry you "lost" a recent large post. i've
learned to "save drafts" on e-mail or save to a word
processer and then copy and paste frequesntly the hard
way too.
more later. i'm off to my digital library services
class.
in him,
mike =)
><>
hmmm...
I looked at my notes which I just posted to your comment again and alot of it is a repeat of your wonderful stuff (not that I'm complaining) but you might have to dig through it to find my small (and still incomplete!) respponses to a few of your observations - I apologize!
Mike
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