no words

i have told this too many times. my father is against me. he always has been, it's sad. i want to tell him, that i do not want any more input from him. whenever he tries to tell me anything, it is with such vehemence against me, this disgust at me. even when he was talking to my mom about this whole ordeal, he brought up my allergy to dairy and wheat, and how upset he was, and how dare i inconvenience everyone. which i don't i bring my own substitutes.
and no matter how i explain or show up, he misses me, he does not understand me in the littlest. i remember sending him my book of poetry. and he never said anything, and i asked him, and he was like OH yeah. not remembering anything though he claimed too. i was trying to show him the width of experiences I had had, (b/c they were captured in my poems) from my earlier celebrative poems to the later ones of recovery of dammage of return. i don't think he read the lines.

i need to set up boundaries with him. i demand respect. i demand respect. you know he pats my hip as if i'm some broad. it's that weird thing that some fathers do, when they get all stoked on their daughters prettiness and bod. it's a blur of lines, it's gross. he is childish. he got upset last time i was there bc i wasn't wearing skirts and he had a talk to me about the importance of how the wife looks for their husband. and now he's basically treating me like the "slut" like the dumb girl who goes foolishly and makes trouble. how dare i get drunk, i guess i was asking for rape. that's what he thinks. i guess i'm simplifying it, but that is the source of where he's at.