a classic November 16

I can almost taste it. This November element. It comes on so strongly every year. I would say November is my favorite month of the year, always with the drapery of something significant encroching. Maybe it's just the time when I can really get sober in my head. (I'm not talking about drinking here, I'm talking about a mindfulness). Tutto Posto. that's how they'd say it over there. it means everything set. A knowing of the elements, I have some kinship with November. like i was knit in it from before.
I have a thing for being melancholy. i admit it. That receding thing, it's something I need desperately. I find it in November. I just always feel I'm on the brink of something when fall comes. like something is arriving for me. There's this crackle in November. i can hear conversations better in November. There's a way that voices fall. everything is honed in on. It's like the world gets this ceiling. and you almost feel like what you're doing in this time is really important, even if it's not. I can almost hear my hands fumbling or unfolding.
OK, I'm getting too elusive. But I have to do something with this. feeling all like i had a chance. and wondering if the plant could grow. and it didn't. that's a bad attitude to take. it's just that i've never had someone so rad check it out too. and i was freaking out of course. My lowself-esteem drumming.