What am i on the verge of?

Timing and Revelation.

God, what is this movement you are making?

I got through the Jordan. I forgave on Jordan Street. God pushing me over into this complete revelation, saying "Yep, honey, it's true. You're there. You've arrived."

Then meeting the dude with the same looks, and the same posture, subtly bad news, subtly powerful, obviously a rerun. Getting me. craving something. the scene was played and this time I could see it.

The nightmare that very night. being attacked, cornered. the dogs sicking me.

And for the second time that week I removed myself from the situation. in panic over doing such a thing. feeling released and well as soon as I did.

Then at the brewery all under the same Roof were the 3 christian guys from way back (in these last 2 years). who had grabbed my attention. who had come into my scene and thrown me off (being friendly then not giving me the time of day). God showing me the spirit of those who don't see me. It was easy to shrug my shoulders and leave the night. SEeing the slimy there and the falseness.

Hung out with 2 friends that were authentic. was comforted.

Then brought a new friend to Vintage, who had left Graceland, both who had a falling out, they came nervously, they came stoned and mushy in spirit. but showing up anyway. not really intimidated by any of this. something feels mild in all this. but then looking and one of the guys was sketching, and he was sketching the dog from my nightmare with an open mouth ready.

The good news is I didn't freak out, I didn't feel twigged as my body so usually would go. I think it is a prequel, my eyes sharpened.

Timing

The time of this whole entourage. The steady pace of revelation, the uncovering piece by piece and stroke by stroke. "if it's not this horse, it's not this horse...I can't ride this horse. I can't get on that plane:.

This land is like a Marsh Land. like the swampy stuff by the island at the end of Venetia Avenue, at the end of my street in 4th grade where I used to go rollerskating. There was a bridge and I'd walk my dog down there. (Near China Camp). With reeds and mud and water and ranky and swans and green stuff. beautiful but ranky. mushy and clearly, no don't put your feet in there you could know how sinky it is. Your toes closing.

I know I can't step there.


Finding it

I feel like I am getting up into some attic, like going through dusty corners, like there is a gem or treasure to find. Casting away old spirits, leaving scenes that are played. digging through some hefty trunk with dolls arms and scarves and wooden jewel boxes and capes and guady lamps. turning the lamps' light switch on and off, they're not turning on. looking for the lamp that turns on.