I feel like the sky is falling. Terror and betrayal ripping through my sky. i've been living in dusk, holding space for a man who was playing me. craters are falling as i hear more and more of what he shared with another person. This was the most unthoughtful thing. Now the lights have been turned on. Now I can leave and leave the stories and the agony. I've been trying to be there, trying to remember, and make nods, and salute. I've been praying and trying to support. I feel like my leg was just ripped off.
Oh My Theme song comes back:
Catch for Us the Foxes, the Little foxes that ruin our Vineyard, our vineyard that is in bloom.
If he had meant what he said he felt, if he was true and stable through and through he would not have done this to me.
I have taken off the lamb mask to find the wolf, I have found the robber in my own territory, the very man I once thought I belonged to
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God speaks to each of us as he makes us, then walks with us silently out of the night. These are the words we dimly hear: You sent out beyond your recall, go the limits of your longing. Embody me. Flare up like flame and make big shadows I can move in. Let everything happen to you: beauty and terror, Just keep going. No feeling is final. Don't let yourself lose me. Nearby is the country they call life. You will know it by its seriousness. Give me your hand. Rilke
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