SD

tonight i wanted to find 2 of my old San Domenico High School friends.  and i did. on myspace i finally found courtney, only through the music search in San Francisco, and Asmara in the Netherlands.  I wrote them , i listened to Courtney's voice.  her amazing voice.  and her pictures she looks older. of course.  i can''t believe i let 5 years go by.   I've been thinking so much about them, and I haven't reached out or looked in 5 years.  the last time i saw Asmara was right before I went to Italy in 03.

And I just started crying.  i picked up a San Domenico Reunion invite for the class above me.  These are girls I looked up to and loved so much in High School.  They are like at this root at me.  I adore them.  and tonight I remember this wound of some of my friends, how much I like adore them and how much our friendship kinda took off then didn't, and just left off, trickled off after high school.  I started to think about all the people I know now. and i love them so,  and how they didn't know me then and how in ways they don't know all these younger Molly things, these root things.

I have this very big wound for wanting to be seen and close to these friends from high school.  I was such fans of them.  and we were all really creative and crazy.    I went to an All Girl School that was small for high school.  it had these un

I am sad. I want so badly to have this connection still with some of the girls from my high school. 

all of a sudden i'm thinking of my sister and how I want to be close to her. all of a sudden I think of Cliff and how i loved him and how he got to be family for a time for me.  and god that hurts so bad.  i have so much yearning right now.

and how that whole thing was all ridiculous at the end and how it was all false.  and i don't know what to do with his cue showing up in the litte girl of me.