in my drawer

i was cleaning out my drawer in my desk, and i found wads of notecards, most of them versus but some were just thoughts. and they were my thoughts from last April when I was all in the waiting and upset and didn't know what would go down with Cliff.  

It is upsetting me reading them, how innocently i was talking about "where do i put my love" and wanting to be in this person's life and know them, and then my panicked notes about how could you do this to me and begginning to think i was being played.

oh boy!  man! this is so terrible to see me in the before when i was in the not knowing and all the holding and cherishing.

I can't believe that God delivered me.  my back is doing the twitching thing.  I want to forget.