a new post

I wonder why i haven't been posting as late.  i post tonight because Dan and Joann read my blog and that makes me happier than if 50 were.

i love you blog, i'm sorry i have been gone.  i think it's mostly because of so much heaviness and hard at work, has been really stressing me.  and my foot is hurting a lot  i had a procedure on an ingrown toenail and it is the most painful thing. so this weekend my foot has been up.

then the digging inside has been going with trying to let go of past.   i still feel crumpled from everything.  and needing the LORD's healing more than ever.

and deciding to look at applying for my mfa.  i want to be a real poet.  not that i'm not but that i want to really take the time to write and produce.  having the chasm between should i go mdiv route or mfa.  and i lean towards mfa because gosh i just want to be a very good writer.   i also really want to be known as a christian writer as well, as i don't know many contemporary christian poets who really are known, or are contemporary.  my heart still aches to be a voice in culture that writes about jesus.  questions i have are if i am going to get shy or embarrassed in a university from my potent beliefs.   i also want to learn hebrew and maybe greek and really learn all about opening the jewish words. oh those little jewels.   with like 7,000 words in hebrew compared to  English has 10's of thousands, so each hebrew word is potent potent with meaning and i like the way the LORD seems to garment around these words.

i realized last week that i have become cynical.   i think i'm getting grumpy at Santa Cruz.  i have such a love/hate relationship with this little ol' town of mine.  this is nothing new.  but what i realized is i think it's gotten to the cynical point.  mainly because its so hard to date. and i don't think i'm going to meet my man here.  and now i am getting older than most the guys i see.   i want someone to take me seriously.

and i really want God to keep keeping me to Him i think he must be tired of my hard heart....

but let's see here.

i prayed with Julia (my friend from college) on Friday, then Rae and julia and i took odyssey to Joann's house in San Jose to pray in her dreamy little room on Saturday.  She served us beautiful lunch on china and everything was white and her polaroids were up and small lights and soft things and Gramma's keepsakes.

We prayed over each of our gropings.  And how good is that.

The day before julia and I prayed and man she is going through a lot too, having a child and just married.

we have such a way of delighting each other, being such rambunctious friends (Russian) in College. that we carry that silliness.   we were praying and pointing up to God "You!  Don't forget Molly!  Don't forget the boyfriend!" getting all fiesty and Russian as we get with each other and fiesty with God.  I think God liked that though, he likes us being ourselves.

This is my rundown......

I want it to rain.