June 13th, the dunk, and comin home frantic

I'm getting frantic again. I just tried to email the FR the passage at Kinkos and all this. There's a hint of trying to convince him, and I don't need to go there.Though at the last it was good once he got my email. i came home to find flowers Doug and Dena left for me, so happy aof my day yesterday My baptism. I'm so sad. so here I go in these kind of freaked out corners. I really want to be with someone and still regerent and in awe for this moment I had yesterday. My whole family togher. that's unthinkable! My mothers, my sisters, my dear ones. My girls from thecity and MARin. And afterwards they circled me and held me.
My sister would come up behind me and put her hands on my hips. And it was like she was squaring my hips, and she knew right where they were even before she touched me, like she really loved me right there and supported me like she was saying "i got your hips." which is way more than "your back" and she would smile so big at me. And supposedly my mom was crying really hard, it really moved her I could see even after she was so emotional. They all came around me afterwards and hugged me. My family, my friends, I couldn't believe it, they were all around me and loving me so. and Jesus was loving me. And I was really here with Jesus. It was so much love I could hardly take it. I think only God, only Christ could do that, bring all my loved ones together. I felt then like I could really forgive my mom,
The sermon was all about gifts, it was so perfect. the line about the whale and the fin. the movie clip from that Rock Movie. the musical metaphor, the Catholic school kids trying to rock out.
Josh found a really great scripture about how getting baptized is not about removing dirt, but coming to Christ with a clear consciousness. yes. Like now I want to give God that, my best, my good consciousness, like I want to create and stride in goodness. and goodness, wholeness, completeness, is not just some simple thing.
Here is to my new beginning. Here is to this assurance, this entirety that came, the whole thing came to me on March 13th. (I got the whole thing all at once and therre were no steps.) It feels like heaven in my heart.
just as we were leaving the Attic, we went there after and had the yummiest beet and goat cheeze salad, just as we were leaving, we stalled, then the Namba and the
the K-thang. we went to saturn, and two miracles, we had a NICE waitress at SAturn, OK breathe. and we sat at the Star Wars original movie table. so Princess Laya was right there under my thin fries. so now it's the thirteenth and that's my day, i'm born on the thirteenth (another month). so it's like home.
I liked the water, it was this soft warm, not very warm, but just so. and once it was over I swished around, I almost felt like the water was my friend. I remember stepping towards Rob when I got this nod. as he was coming close to baptizing me and he put his arm out a little bit, (he told me to put my arm there and then he would dunk me. And the dunk was gentle and fast but witha glide, not too fast. and under the water it was like coming into something. it was a woosh, it was like I entered something. (all this is subtle) and it was neat to be so soaked there for a minute.

I heard people hardly one time say "oh Yeah!" after i spoke. but my friends told me afterwards that lots of people were really responding to me, calling out, affirming, moved. people were crying. !!!!! And a couple people came up to me afterwards and thanked me, like I spoke something they were feeling. Wow this is like, this is like we are in this boat, like Christians are more in my boat than I deemed before. like not all perfect or glossy but just as in the lowsy sore state as i am, but feeling the Lord, yes feeling the Lord.. . . . to bed.
To be Continued.