a wash

Today i feel Him washing him, so kindly, so precious. my heart is getting a bath. From monday to wednesday (last night) i felt subtly demented all week, subtly away from God (hard to pray, not Him close, all tired and worn and in my head) i felt that familiar dry spot, that desert, of when you can keep going and going with that fuel, without that covering of God. And i went to the prayer group yesterday, of kristen's, and was nervous, and even during it felt acquard at times and not so cool, but saw it through, I showed up. And sure enough, sure enough, as i tried to peep to God, to pray to God in my little head last night: "God, please wash me! wash me!" pried I and tried I, knowing my mind was junky and heavy and leadlike and limping. my muttering, and He heard. How sweetness and dear waking up this morning to my cup overfowing, my heart crinkling and lapping this little water firing up. a little pond. the lord lifting me and loving me, this cup in my heart. his nearness. my holding. his keeping. this good good God.