after my 219

after my 219 homegroup, i was hit by chapter 15. it talked about going all the way, even hating (rejecting) your parents, your sister, your brother. mostly for me it spoke to going all the way for Him. Bearing your cross. And it hit me, that's it. The D is not worth it on any scale, let him be a sacrifice for my Greatest Love. somewhere in that 48 hours of wooing and romance, i was already trying to figure out how to sort of fit him into an ok path for me, i was thinking of how he could soothe me in this way and that, i was explaining to myself that it was ok and would be healing. but now i realize that there is so much more to be exhilerated about when i give it to the true Man.
so i admitted to myself that there is a true need to really let nothing stop me. to create my life so i can be closest to the Lord. to not let them dampen that anywhere.
i'm still really sad about it all.
sometimes i feel like it's all my fault, and who knows, he may have been a cool guy, but i just goofed so badly the little delicate communication. but then part of me thinks if he really liked me he would let me rain/reighn a little bit and a man for me would insist on me!
especially he could have returned my call after i called him the second time rationally and calmly. or maybe i just seem like a freak to him. but hey i got fiesty, and that's part of me.
but as my roomie Tibi says "Rejection is God's protection." maybe.