from San Francisco

Title: From San Francisco
Story: I'm in the San Francisco. I'm over going out and everywhere we went was dissapointing, tru that we went to the same section, the section we always go to: the Mission and 19th, Valencia and 23rd. went to the beauty bar again where they have the remnants of a beauty salon complete with the hair blow dryers and sometimes people doing nails on little desks in the corners. they always have great 80s music and a packed crowd. but last night i was over it, we always go there. besides this whole day i was grumpy. this morning i was grumby and my friend from LA Ambra and I went out to take these German girls around, we just met them ourselves but staying with my friend Sumi's landlady, so we offered it. i was proud to be the tour guide, i had my hand on which bus to take, which hill to climb which corner to turn. we went across the mission through noe valley hopped on the 24 and got off at castro last morning. amber wanted a bloody mary. we stopped at a gay bar in the castro with fabulous wood details and had bloody marys. i was still in a bad mood. we went back to the bus stop and i mention my sore state to ambra. "Snap out of it!" she commands. "no way!" I love this girl. she starts laughing. "Close your eyes." she instructs me. "No way!" i refuse again. I wanted to be left alone in my, my --whateverness. "fine." i finally concur. I close my eyes, under the little bus stop at the heaight. open my eyes a sec later and Ambra's boob is 1 inch from my eye -- i mean her tit was right in my face! i bust out laughing, she's such a soldier for me. Girl does that in the middle of the haight right in my face. i got up and shouted and busted out. that's how she goes she does what she wants and has no time to get all pouty like i do and bummed out. well, needless to say i felt much better for a time after that. the rest of the day included an overkill on haight i didn't buy anything bu ti looked at too many things and just wanted to crawl away by the end. i found myself judging these girls we were with yesterday from Germany and one was from North Carolina. i really don't like myself when i do that. i' was judging thm for their rich apparal. then i was getting depressed. then i was feeling awful about myself. then i was judging them to be shallow, then i didn't want to be around them b/cc they didn't know me and i not them, and i was feeling all weird how much we weren't invested in each other. then i felt alone. then i missed Sumi (who was at work) then i hated myself. then i felt cool b/c i knew where to go. then i felt sad, then i felt incapable, then i felt dishelved b/c i was no where near as fabulous as they were, then they went on and on about Diesel jeans and complaining about how small they run, and gosh, it just went on and on. Todyay Sumi and I are going to go to a different section, we're going to try lower Sf by SF state. i love how willing we are with eaach other, i mean willing to be there for each other, and flexible to do what the other needs. we are very honest and like to talk and talk and analyze what are problems are or why we are fixated in others the way we are, and continally discover what it is we need to work on and how we need to get over boys, and how it's all like a 6th grade mentality, and then we realize all the internal places we fold, and where we need to be strong, we realize where we are vulnerable. but then we simultaneously get all depressed about it. our affirmations there hard to get under our bones and we come back to the same lapses.