the simmer

Now is like the eye of a storm. all has gotten quiet. i feel like i'm in a whole new land: a whole new arena.
The waiting. This feeling of being stranded.

It's hard for me because it's my nature to be daring, to show-up, to shake a person up, to call this person up and hang, but i'm not supposed to at this juncture. but i can't. i feel so disabled. But i know how easy it is for a gal to register as easy or available or readily taken. so i'm gonna stay kaputt.

I've been so ready, and i think it's apparant when i'm around this person, that i'm willing to step up. so i'm trying to step back. He seems sobering to me, for me. what i like is that he seems so ready, how i turn around and he's there.
i want this so bad that my heart aches. (sorry for the mush).

any advice on how a gal can stay powered, it's gotta be more than "just stay busy." how can a gal keep?

I feel the need to share a poem with you, my bloggettes.
I wrote this poem back in 2003 for my next love, my ultimate love. this poem is very me. i like this poem a lot, and when i was writing it, it just came out. it's about the only poem that just came out without my editing, reediting, reconstructing, stripping down, clarifying, verifying, returning to the theme, massaging, or giving any more clues to my readers. like it existed somwhere, and it came out like it's own thing. it's my testimony. it's been ready. This is how it goes:


I am the Conductor Here

If you want
to reassure me
then get on my train.
I'll Conduct symphonies
of you through my smokestacks
if you can holler,
and the mountains
will get it.
I will take you the long way there.
Just begin where I am bashful--
the long tunnels I go under,
close your eyes with me.
I will show you my invincible hands,
We will be pleading to each other,
and it will go something like
the train-tracks' thunder.